Something special - just for you. Because I am bored.

Oh dear God, what is wrong with me? I know you've been wondering the same thing for many years now, but honestly... I just spent 10 minutes trying to remember how to long onto my blog to post an entry. Duh. I suppose it's no worse than the year it took me to remember the password to my blog! All evidence points to Alzheimer's. It's coming. I know it is.

Now that I'm here, I forgot what clever thing it was that I was going to write. (see, more evidence). I am seriously drawing a blank. I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally forget how to log on, just so that I could tell you all about it. I am POSITIVE there was something I was going to say. I know, I will make up a little story to keep you entertained while I rack my brain. Please note that this will require a skill called "multi-tasking." This is not a skill I possess. Consider yourself warned. Hopefully this story doesn't turn out like the last one where the mouse turned into a hamster, or vice versa. Alright, here I go.

Did you notice I was gone? I decided to draw you a picture. Wasn't that nice of me? I'm like that. Sometimes. I have to admit, it was quite difficult. I hope you appreciate the time and effort it took me to do this. I did it just for you. It is a lovely picture, don't you think? I drew it using MS Paint. I cannot stress enough, the trouble I went through to draw this monkey. So now I can start my story. It is going to be a story about Minkeroni the Monkey (as shown above).

Once upon a time, in a land not so far from here, actually, it's so close to here, I'll just say it was here. So scratch that first line. I'll start over.

Once upon a time, here, there was a creature called Minkeroni. He was a he, and he was a monkey. (I didn't promise you a good story did I?)

Minkeroni went for a walk on the sidewalk. Actually, it looks as though he was floating just above the sidewalk. Or maybe he was walking on the edge of the sidewalk? No, that would just be stupid. I walked on the edge of a sidewalk once, and twisted my ankle as I passed a house inhabited by old people. I don't know for certain that they were old, but I presume they were, because only old people take the time to dig a nice neat trench along any and all paved surface that runs alongside their grass. But wait, floating above the sidewalk would be even more stupid. Monkeys can't float, can they? I suppose they could float in water, but the picture CLEARLY shows a sidewalk. Let's just say he was walking on the sidewalk. Obviously the person that drew the picture doesn't know what they're doing.

Minkeroni twisted his ankle and hobbled to the middle of the sidewalk. (hmm, it's not the person drawing the pictures - he's just a stupid monkey). He couldn't believe his luck when he came upon a TELEPHONE BOOTH! "Thank Freaking Goodness" he thought to himself. His ankle was terribly sore, and swollen thanks to some old people that have far too much time on their hands. He couldn't decide if he should call an ambulance or a taxi. Unfortunately, he didn't know the phone number for either. So he looked in the phone book stored below the phone on a shelf. (don't' bother looking at the picture above, the book's not visible from that angle).

He opened the book. The text was soooo tiny that he couldn't read it. I know exactly how he felt. I once ordered a pizza for pick up (because I'm too cheap to tip the drivers), and sent Tom to go get it when the "ready by" time was approaching. He was gone for what felt like FOREVER. He came home - without the pizza. He asked which location I ordered it from. I said I ordered it from the one I usually order from. He then told me they didn't have an order for us. So I opened the phone book back up to see just exactly where I ordered it (all the while, thinking they're going to owe us a free pizza for their error). I pointed to the line in the phone book. Tom double checked it... and then grumbled "where the &*%$# is Dominion Pizza?" (OOPS!)

I digress. The monkey - the phone book - tiny print. Got it. (eww - cat puking in the next room). I was gone again. Cleaned up cat puke, killed a spider, went outside, had a smoke, fed a few mosquitoes and played a game of rumikub on my itouch. Did you notice my absence? Didn't think so. Which goes to show you how much longer it takes me to write this, than it does for you to read this. Where was I? The monkey - the phone book - tiny print. Got it.

He pulled his glasses out of his bum (he didn't have pockets... duh), and was faced with yet ANOTHER problem. Not only did his glasses look like boobs, they were broken. Poor Minkerdoodle - no, sorry, Minkeroni. He decided to call directory assistance, because he knew that number... 411. He picked up the hand piece or whatever it's called ... and ... (I'm trying to make this a little suspenseful). Not sure if that's a real word, but I figure it doesn't matter because no one in their right mind would still be reading this jargon. If someone out there is still reading this, you might have noticed that I also gave up caring about grammar and proper use of quotes, brackets and all other stupid things I was supposed to have lurnd in skhewl.

... the earpiece was covered in sweat, and there was bubblicious on the mouthpiece. How did he know it was bubblicious you ask? Because that's the only bubble gum name brand I can think of. No wait, it could have been Hubba Bubba, but I supposed it doesn't matter. You get the gist. It was just as well anyway, because in about two seconds, Minkeroni would have come to the realization that he didn't have 50 cents to pay for a phone call, nor did the illustrator provide him with the fingers he'd require to push all the buttons.

So what did Minkeroni do?

Please, read on....

Minkeroni went ape-shit on the phone, destroying it. The police arrived and took him to jail where he was put on suicide watch because his foot was causing him so much pain, that he said he wanted to die.

The End (thank goodness)! Remember - at no point in time did I say this was going to be a good story, an educational story, or an enjoyable read. If you read this story in its entirety, you have no one to blame but yourself. (...stupid)!

The grand plan.

I just spent a couple hours, sitting on my deck - drinking coffee and perusing one of my new favorite sites filled with DIY projects. I read up on a backyard renovation and fell in love. The whole time I was reading, I was envisioning what my yard could look like. I decided that I could work out some plans for a spring reno of my own.

I went into the house to replenish my mug. Reality hit me. I have a hard time finding the willpower to do the everyday things that I'm supposed to do. You know, like cooking, dishes, laundry, dusting, etc. What was I thinking? Overhauling my back yard!? Crazy talk. For three years I've said "this is the year I construct a square foot vegetable garden in the side yard." For three years my side yard has contained nothing but uneven ground, patches of grass, moss, weeds, and thanks to my neighbor's garden along the fence - raspberry plants scattered everywhere.

I know I can do it if I really wanted to. We did build a pond which I have maintained for several years now. But it was an impulse project. Once it was started, it had to be finished, otherwise my poor fish that were in the pre-existing formed pond that I ripped out would die. That seems to be the only way I get things done. On impulse.

I have decided that I have to get out of this lazy funk I've been in for quite some time now. There are so many projects that have to be done. The day we walked through the house and decided to put an offer in, was the same day I stated that I hated the paint down the stairs and throughout the basement. We have been here the better part of eight years and the paint remains the same as the day we first saw it. Pathetic.

So there you have it. I have decided to do what I can with as little money as possible. Hopefully I won't be posting a year from now about how the basement still needs to be painted! Alright - it's starting to rain and I'm sitting on the deck. Going inside to do something but I'm not quite sure what that will be just yet. Perhaps I should work on a "to do" list first. I like seeing things crossed off a list. Somehow I find that quite gratifying. First thing on my list? Get off the computer and make a list! Second thing on my list? Do something on the list I've created!

Later!

Would you like to join me in the bathroom for coffee?

It is a Sunday. I thought Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. I was clearly mistaken. It all started this morning when I went to put something in the fridge. I had a hard time finding a space big enough to accommodate whatever it was (long forgotten). Now, I hadn't done my groceries yet, so knew there were things in there that really shouldn't be. It's a good thing that no one ever comes to visit me. Now, I'm not a hoarder. My house is tidy. But it is far from clean. Today I decided it was time to change that. Going to make an effort to clean all the stupid things that I really hate to clean so I won't be mortified if someone were to pop in for a visit.

I had a shower and started the daunting task. First on my list... the fridge. Did I mention it was full of things that really shouldn't be in there? I realized (once again), that I am a slob. Once I threw out all the expired and questionable items, there was next to nothing left in it. This made cleaning the shelves a lot easier. Turns out that the shelves weren't made of smoked glass as I first thought. Yep - I'm a slob.

So there you have it. I am the proud owner of a clean fridge. With two broken vegetable drawers. Feel free to pop over - just be forewarned that you'll have to fit in my fridge if you want past the front door. Or I suppose we could have coffee in my bathroom. (I cleaned it today too). Just don't look at the light fixtures in there. It looks like I've done some Halloween decorating. That's next on my list. Oh - and grocery shopping.

Exciting stuff. Life on the edge.

July 13, 2011

I am bored to the core. Deb is North. Tom is in bed. The kids are in bed. I have no one here to listen to me ramble on about nothing, so I have decided to post something on my blog about nothing. You'd think it would bother me to know that my blog contains nothing of interest to the average reader. It doesn't. You'd think it would bother me to know that no one finds reading my blog that contains nothing of interest interesting. It doesn't. What bothers me is that I suck at typing and grammar, and this takes me 700 times longer to write than I does for you to read it. Actually a lot longer than that because I doubt you're reading this. If you are, I think you might be lost.

It feels as though it's 45°C outside. It is so humid - it's gross. Well, I don't really feel like talking about the weather so I'll move on. I don't actually know what I feel like writing about, so I'm just typing this crap while I think some uninteresting aspect of my life that I can twist around until it seems interesting. Nope, nothing yet.

I give up. I'm going to bed.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Something happened that led to this post, and no, I wasn't watching the Sound of Music. I went online to pay a bill, only to find that I'd already paid it!

What are some of my favorite things? I know you didn't ask, and you could probably care less, but this is my blog and I'll write whatever I want. I know you'll sit and read every boring word anyway, so you're just going to have to endure this. I am not including people, these are just inanimate objects that bring me pleasure...

- my Keurig
- socks that don't fall down.
- being barefoot (unless I'm stepping on cherry pits in the back yard or beech nuts in the front)
- the feeling of bedsheets that have been hung to dry
- the smell of campfires or bread - or most baked goods for that matter
- a clean kitchen

Alright this is boring. I don't want to write anymore. I'm going to bed. Happy Birthday to Brett. My baby is now 12 years old. How did that happen? Where did the time go? We're almost half way through the summer. Cole will be finished high school in two years. TWO YEARS!! Holy jumpin'

I am going to bed. Long list of things to do tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that sleeping until 2pm is not on it.

Good night.

TA DA!!!

After many, MANY months of trying, I finally remembered the password to this damned account (lucky you)!

But that's all I'm going to post tonight. It's getting late and morning comes far too soon!

Sleep well!

I'm Baaack!

A lot has happened since I last posted, however nothing tremendously exciting. Let's see. I left off with a note that we were heading over the border. We did. Went to the Seneca casino. Sugarbooger won $800 and I won $400 playing blackjack. Not bad.

The boy across the street that was in the horrific car accident died in April.

My Grandma died May 14. Her body stopped making blood, so she was getting transfusions daily. My Mom and Dad were in Holland for three days when they got a call stating that things were going downhill - fast. They arrived back at some ungodly time in the morning after a lengthy flight. Luckily they made it in time to say their goodbyes. Grandma died a few hours later.

Early June. Child number 1 informed me she is pregnant. I just about had a heart attack. I was not prepared for this news. But, now that a few months have passed since she dropped the bomb, I'm actually looking forward to it. I really don't want to be a grandma at 38 but I suppose I will be a lot more fun now than I would be when I'm old and creaky. Looking as though it's going to be a girl. She's due to arrive on January 21.

June. Child number 3 started football. His first game is scheduled for this coming Sunday. He is all ready to go. He just attended a Tim Horton's mini camp where all the kids got to practice with some of the Hamilton Ti cats. Too bad he was sick as a dog. Massive head cold. He toughed it out for the first six stations, but had to sit out for the seventh. He felt so sick, he skipped the autograph session and asked that we go straight home. Poor kid.

July. Child number 3's birthday. My baby is now 10. Very scary.

Tom and I spent a weekend in Chicago with Tim and Nancy. Got to see Daryl and his girlfriend Holly (and their dog, Layla). Did the usual tourist things and we went to see Rascall Flatts play at Wrigley's Field while we were there too. We were on what's called the rooftops. It was a lot of fun, even if I didn't know a single song. Free booze. Because I wasn't the DD, I actually kicked back and had a few (or seven or eight).

Child number 2 bowled in the Canusa games in August. We had a boy named Jordan J. from Flint, MI. stay with us for the weekend. I took the kids to Niagara Falls. Went on the Maid of the Mist and wandered around like tourists. Had a lot of fun.

What else? Yesterday was Tom's birthday. Bought him half of a putter ($100 gift card for Golf Town) and stocked him up with sugary sweets (a tub of Double Bubble and a huge package of Reese peanut butter cups). He is on his way to Hamilton Golf and Country Club as I type this... going to try out his new club!

That about brings this blog back up to date. I have left a lot out, but I'm sure I'll fill in the blanks as I go along.

So there you have it. My life in a nutshell! OMG - remember the show the Greatest American Hero? The theme song is playing on the radio right now. I'm likely going to be singing it all day long now. Terrific.

Alright - I'm signing off. My stalker is North this week so I am at work with no one to talk to. Makes for a very long day! Hope she's having a blast! (ahhh - almost her birthday!)