I have a pathetic life. It is Saturday night. 7pm. I have no kids for the weekend and Tom is at a Bulldogs game and won't be home until much later. You'd think I'd be in heaven but I am sitting here, asking myself what happened to my social life. I have tried to call my stalker a few times today but she won't answer the phone. Either she's avoiding me, or she's out and about (tending to her social life)!
It was another uneventful week in the wonderful world of Moe... the boys bowled in the tournament on Sunday - Cole and his partner came second, Brett and his partner came in third. I bowled on Wednesday. Very inconsistently, but overall, I was above my average. Friday I had an appointment with the dentist, as did Jade. I was advised that the work he'd like to do in her mouth is a mere $1000.00 per tooth and that there are a total of 12 teeth involved. I tell ya, if it's not covered by the insurance company, it's not going to be done. HOLY COW! $12,000.00!
Then last night, we dropped the boys off in Brantford, then headed over to Tim and Nancy's for a quick visit. They were watching Daryl's hockey game on the Internet, so we didn't stay very long. Daryl no longer plays hockey in Texas, he's back in Carolina. It wasn't announced that he was returning to the team, and apparently, when they introduced him at last night's game, the fans gave him a standing ovation. (he had quite a few fans there). God, that must have made him feel really good. Played well - one assist and scored the winning goal in the shoot-out.
Anyway, we left Tim and Nancy's at the end of the second period so they could watch the third without interruptions. We came home and played Yahtzee, Rummy, Crazy Eights and dice. We went to bed. We got up. We went out for breakfast, we went to the post office, we went to PetSmart and came back home. Exciting eh?
Oh - I tried a new cookie recipe that FAILED. I was not happy that I decided to use butter instead of margarine! I think there was an ingredient missing in the recipe. It called for baking powder and not baking soda. They did not spread out at all. If I put them in the oven in balls, they came out of the oven as balls. The picture showed these glorious looking things... molten chocolate lava cookies. They still taste nice, but there's something not right.
I was thoroughly disgusted this afternoon.. Ugh. Gagging, just thinking about it! I went to grab my cookie tin to put the cookie balls away after deciding to cook the entire batch - even though they weren't working out well. So, I grab the tin and questioned why there was some weight to it. I flashed back through my mind, trying to remember what I might have put in there. Nothing. Absolutely no clue when I baked cookies last. "What could possible be in there?" I wondered...One way to find out right? OMG... a long time before today, they were weight watcher muffins. I baked them in early December, a couple days after the Christmas party which was held on December 6. That means, they had been in the tin for 82 days! I kid you not, the tin was full on nothing but a fuzzy liquid with cupcake papers floating in it. It splashed all over the front of my shirt when I opened the tin. Tom heard my reaction upon my discovery and came into the kitchen to see what was wrong. It was bad. All bad. INCREDIBLY BAD. I grabbed a garbage bag and we tossed the whole thing out.
SEE? How pathetic is my life? The highlight of my weekend was a horrid cookie tin of sludge. That's it. My stalker isn't doing a very good job. I should not have to search Hell's green acres to find her - she is supposed to be the one doing that!
Think I'll go cry. Oh no, I can't. I have a cake that needs to be delivered in a few days. Had better get going on the colour flow decorations so they're dry and ready in time. The piano cake. Will be fun. Hope it turns out as well as I see it in my head. I have decided that fondant will be required to get the look I want. I just hate fondant. How can people eat it on cakes? It reminds me of when I was a kid and decided that it would be a terrific idea to eat a piece of cake while chewing gum. Disgusting.
Well, no one can even hear me complain here, so I'm going to stop now. I am going to the basement to flip my laundry, I'm going wash my hands,and then I'm going to put my mixer to use and make some candy treble clefs and notes. It will be time to pick up Tom before I know it!
LATER!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I won the lottery!
I did win, honest... just didn't happen to be the jackpot. I just checked my ticket. 4 out of 6 numbers. I really don't know what it's worth - they haven't posted the prizes yet. So, I will check again in the morning. I am excited! Hell, I normally get excited over a $5 win!
Enough of that. Jade went to the potluck at her friend's house today. I made her some pizza bites that I saw at the big red kitchen. She called to say they were a hit. I made some for us to try as well. I ate one (didn't like the brand of mozzarella, so I only ate one). Brett must have liked them because he ate eight. Cole ate the last three. He agreed that they were really good. So, I will make them again but will not use the crappy cheese I bought.
Back to Jade... the potluck was to celebrate a birthday. It took us 1 ½ hours to wrap the present. We wrapped it in Christmas paper, then covered it completely in packing tape. Then we wrapped it in cake board foil. Then we used a different Christmas paper and wrapped it a third time. Then came the ribbon and toppers...
Used 7 or 8 different coloured curling ribbons (tried to find ones that did not match the paper), and COVERED it in off-seasoned toppers and odd or useless items. Some of these items included:
- a hummingbird ornament
- a plastic canvas ornament of a bear in a box
- 3D glasses from the movie we saw over the weekend (Coraline 3D - book was WAY better)
- a juice box
- a bag of marshmallows
- a tampon
- a sanitary napkin
- a half eaten bag of torilla strips for salads
- a magnet
- a chocolate Christmas ornament
- a shovel (a plastic one for a sandbox)
- a restaurant packet of peanut butter
- a tube of hot oil treatment
- a mini bar of soap like you'd get at a hotel
- a blue plastic snowflake
- a crazy straw with a packet of fizz
- a fairy wand with a heart on the end that says "Be Mine"
- a Valentine card
- a razor
- two backyardigan figurines
- a packet of Wendy's hot sauce
- a plastic canvas reindeer with a tag that says "squeeze my cheeks and I'll give you a kiss"
(but instead of a Hershey's kiss, we put in a mint). On the flipside of the tag is says "from Cole"
- four different coloured foil bows - you know the cheap tacky ones you get a Christmas?
- and there was TONS more, but I can't remember anything else right now.
Then, I looked through my stash of greeting cards for one that was as far from a birthday card as I could find. I had one with an sickly looking old horse with flies buzzing all around it. Inside it said "Heard you're still kickin' but not stirring up much dust... get well soon." Jade put an x through the writing and wrote "umm, I mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
So anyway, I called Jade to make sure that she arrived safely (she had to take the train). Her friend got on the phone, killing herself laughing, and thanked me for helping Jade with the gift (said it took her a very long while to open it). Jade said that her friend's Mother was looking quizically at this horrid looking gift with tampons stuck to it. Her friend explained that Jade and I have a very unusual sense of humor and this was not likely the way we would normally wrap presents. It was a lot of fun. Time consuming, but fun!
Oh, signed Brett up for football this morning. Not sure when they will email to give us the who, what, where, why, how, and whens. Sitting in the dark right now. All I know is that I paid $280 and all I got in return was a piece of paper saying I gave them $280. Feel sorta ripped off! I sure hope he enjoys it. I know I won't. I hate football. Three practices a week during the summer, and come September, there will be one game a week. Ugh. Of all the sports I have to endure on television, football is my least favorite. Now I will have to watch a game once a week come September. I can't wait! (hint of sarcasm - just a hint though).
Anyway, it's well after midnight. The boys have a bowling tournament in the morning so I'd better finish up here and go to bed. I'm not sure if I'll sleep though... I'll be too busy reworking how I am going to spend my lottery winnings. I don't think $75 will cover all the things I was going to do with the $48,000,000 I was covinced I'd win!
UPDATE... I just checked the site. My ticket is worth $207.00. Not bad for and $8 investment!
Enough of that. Jade went to the potluck at her friend's house today. I made her some pizza bites that I saw at the big red kitchen. She called to say they were a hit. I made some for us to try as well. I ate one (didn't like the brand of mozzarella, so I only ate one). Brett must have liked them because he ate eight. Cole ate the last three. He agreed that they were really good. So, I will make them again but will not use the crappy cheese I bought.
Back to Jade... the potluck was to celebrate a birthday. It took us 1 ½ hours to wrap the present. We wrapped it in Christmas paper, then covered it completely in packing tape. Then we wrapped it in cake board foil. Then we used a different Christmas paper and wrapped it a third time. Then came the ribbon and toppers...
Used 7 or 8 different coloured curling ribbons (tried to find ones that did not match the paper), and COVERED it in off-seasoned toppers and odd or useless items. Some of these items included:
- a hummingbird ornament
- a plastic canvas ornament of a bear in a box
- 3D glasses from the movie we saw over the weekend (Coraline 3D - book was WAY better)
- a juice box
- a bag of marshmallows
- a tampon
- a sanitary napkin
- a half eaten bag of torilla strips for salads
- a magnet
- a chocolate Christmas ornament
- a shovel (a plastic one for a sandbox)
- a restaurant packet of peanut butter
- a tube of hot oil treatment
- a mini bar of soap like you'd get at a hotel
- a blue plastic snowflake
- a crazy straw with a packet of fizz
- a fairy wand with a heart on the end that says "Be Mine"
- a Valentine card
- a razor
- two backyardigan figurines
- a packet of Wendy's hot sauce
- a plastic canvas reindeer with a tag that says "squeeze my cheeks and I'll give you a kiss"
(but instead of a Hershey's kiss, we put in a mint). On the flipside of the tag is says "from Cole"
- four different coloured foil bows - you know the cheap tacky ones you get a Christmas?
- and there was TONS more, but I can't remember anything else right now.
Then, I looked through my stash of greeting cards for one that was as far from a birthday card as I could find. I had one with an sickly looking old horse with flies buzzing all around it. Inside it said "Heard you're still kickin' but not stirring up much dust... get well soon." Jade put an x through the writing and wrote "umm, I mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
So anyway, I called Jade to make sure that she arrived safely (she had to take the train). Her friend got on the phone, killing herself laughing, and thanked me for helping Jade with the gift (said it took her a very long while to open it). Jade said that her friend's Mother was looking quizically at this horrid looking gift with tampons stuck to it. Her friend explained that Jade and I have a very unusual sense of humor and this was not likely the way we would normally wrap presents. It was a lot of fun. Time consuming, but fun!
Oh, signed Brett up for football this morning. Not sure when they will email to give us the who, what, where, why, how, and whens. Sitting in the dark right now. All I know is that I paid $280 and all I got in return was a piece of paper saying I gave them $280. Feel sorta ripped off! I sure hope he enjoys it. I know I won't. I hate football. Three practices a week during the summer, and come September, there will be one game a week. Ugh. Of all the sports I have to endure on television, football is my least favorite. Now I will have to watch a game once a week come September. I can't wait! (hint of sarcasm - just a hint though).
Anyway, it's well after midnight. The boys have a bowling tournament in the morning so I'd better finish up here and go to bed. I'm not sure if I'll sleep though... I'll be too busy reworking how I am going to spend my lottery winnings. I don't think $75 will cover all the things I was going to do with the $48,000,000 I was covinced I'd win!
UPDATE... I just checked the site. My ticket is worth $207.00. Not bad for and $8 investment!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Exciting happenings over this past week...
I have been neglecting my blog. Well, it's probably just as well, because I've nothing interesting to write about. Nothing out of the ordinary. I did manage to clean out the china cabinet. I was going to cheat and just run all the crystal through the dishwasher, but the wine glasses were all too tall. I can't lower the upper rack in the new dishwasher, so I decided to wash everything by hand. But now it's done. Dust free and sparkling - the cabinet and its contents.
What other exciting things did I do? Hmmm, I took my stove apart and gave it a thorough cleaning as well. Next up is the fridge - I don't understand how it gets so dirty. It's hard to see through the glass shelves for all the unidentifiable mung on them. It's pretty scary! But, I will fix it all up tomorrow.
Brett wants to sign up for football, so we will be heading off to register tomorrow morning. It starts and ten, but I think we'll head out there around eight, just to be safe. I remember standing in line to register Cole for soccer many years ago. We were in a HUGE line for a couple hours. We were still nowhere near the entrance to the building when a man came out and said "all the spots have been filled." NOT a fun morning.
The boys have another bowling tournament on Sunday.
Jade is home for the weekend.
Cole won't let me take him to get his hair cut. I'm not sure what look he's going for... whatever it is, I can't say I like it. So, I'll let it go for now. It's not my head.
Brett has made a gazillion paper airplanes - think the vortex is my favorite. Coolest little thing. It's not really a plane, it's more of a cylinder. Look it up if you're bored and looking for something to do with the kids (and it's cheap)! We made some in the summer and threw them back and forth for hours.
I've decided that I'm going to win the 49 million in tomorrow night's 649. The clerk that sold me the ticket assured me that it's the winning one. I sure hope he's right this time. I'm beginning to think he's a liar.
I think about what life would be like with that kind of money. I'm not sure that it would be all that it's cracked up to be. The worries over money would be eliminated, but they would be replaced by other ones. But then I come to the conclusion that that would be an exchange I would be willing to make. I can roll with the punches - I'd manage somehow!
Cole advised me that he needs to make up a portfolio for school. He asked me for all the awards he's received throughout his educational career. Ummm... I rummaged through my filing cabinet, my recipe cabinet, Rubbermaid totes full of kids school work, through the layers and layers of things stuck on the fridge... all I could find was seven of them. I am almost positive that majority of them hit the recycling bin after being on the fridge for six months. When he was in grade one, I was unaware that these tacky blue, yellow, orange and pink photocopied "certificate of achievement" awards would be required seven years later. I will start saving Brett's...
This little task made me realize something -
At work, I am the most organized person you will ever encounter. I hate having papers on my desk. I post and file things as soon as they come to me. I honestly believe you should only touch a piece of paper once, unless it's absolutely unavoidable. I can find anything anyone could possibly need in a matter of seconds. Everything has its place and everything is in its place. My inbox is always empty before I leave at the end of the day... well, there's an occasional exception to this rule, but more often than not, there is not a loose paper to be found on my desk.
Now - in my quest to find the tacky awards, I was hit by the realization that my filing system at home does not resemble those found in my office. OH MY!
Nothing is in alphabetical order. There are indeed folders for each of the utilities and all the usual bills, but they are not stored with any organization whatsoever. In amongst the folders are more folders stuffed with... well, it appears to be garbage. I have receipts from 1995 still. Probably older than that, but I didn't have time to get side tracked. My desktop is COVERED in files, papers, magazines, staplers with no staples, mounds of mechanical pencils with no leads, pens that don't work, but never seem to hit the garbage, not to mention what appears to be eight months worth of bills that have been paid, but have never been filed. I am disgusted with myself. Another job for tomorrow I think. Will depend on the weather though. If it's nice, I'm going outside to play. I am tired of being inside (but if I have to choose between stuck inside, or freezing cold, I'll take the indoor option).
Well, I guess I should end this now. It's really not going anywhere and I have to search through my recipes to figure out what to make for Jade... she's going to a potluck birthday party dinner. This would normally be a no brainer, but it's just outside Toronto and she has to take the train. I don't think she wants to carry a crock pot. Maybe I'll pop over to the big red kitchen to browse. I love that site.
So there you go. I am off to lurk!
What other exciting things did I do? Hmmm, I took my stove apart and gave it a thorough cleaning as well. Next up is the fridge - I don't understand how it gets so dirty. It's hard to see through the glass shelves for all the unidentifiable mung on them. It's pretty scary! But, I will fix it all up tomorrow.
Brett wants to sign up for football, so we will be heading off to register tomorrow morning. It starts and ten, but I think we'll head out there around eight, just to be safe. I remember standing in line to register Cole for soccer many years ago. We were in a HUGE line for a couple hours. We were still nowhere near the entrance to the building when a man came out and said "all the spots have been filled." NOT a fun morning.
The boys have another bowling tournament on Sunday.
Jade is home for the weekend.
Cole won't let me take him to get his hair cut. I'm not sure what look he's going for... whatever it is, I can't say I like it. So, I'll let it go for now. It's not my head.
Brett has made a gazillion paper airplanes - think the vortex is my favorite. Coolest little thing. It's not really a plane, it's more of a cylinder. Look it up if you're bored and looking for something to do with the kids (and it's cheap)! We made some in the summer and threw them back and forth for hours.
I've decided that I'm going to win the 49 million in tomorrow night's 649. The clerk that sold me the ticket assured me that it's the winning one. I sure hope he's right this time. I'm beginning to think he's a liar.
I think about what life would be like with that kind of money. I'm not sure that it would be all that it's cracked up to be. The worries over money would be eliminated, but they would be replaced by other ones. But then I come to the conclusion that that would be an exchange I would be willing to make. I can roll with the punches - I'd manage somehow!
Cole advised me that he needs to make up a portfolio for school. He asked me for all the awards he's received throughout his educational career. Ummm... I rummaged through my filing cabinet, my recipe cabinet, Rubbermaid totes full of kids school work, through the layers and layers of things stuck on the fridge... all I could find was seven of them. I am almost positive that majority of them hit the recycling bin after being on the fridge for six months. When he was in grade one, I was unaware that these tacky blue, yellow, orange and pink photocopied "certificate of achievement" awards would be required seven years later. I will start saving Brett's...
This little task made me realize something -
At work, I am the most organized person you will ever encounter. I hate having papers on my desk. I post and file things as soon as they come to me. I honestly believe you should only touch a piece of paper once, unless it's absolutely unavoidable. I can find anything anyone could possibly need in a matter of seconds. Everything has its place and everything is in its place. My inbox is always empty before I leave at the end of the day... well, there's an occasional exception to this rule, but more often than not, there is not a loose paper to be found on my desk.
Now - in my quest to find the tacky awards, I was hit by the realization that my filing system at home does not resemble those found in my office. OH MY!
Nothing is in alphabetical order. There are indeed folders for each of the utilities and all the usual bills, but they are not stored with any organization whatsoever. In amongst the folders are more folders stuffed with... well, it appears to be garbage. I have receipts from 1995 still. Probably older than that, but I didn't have time to get side tracked. My desktop is COVERED in files, papers, magazines, staplers with no staples, mounds of mechanical pencils with no leads, pens that don't work, but never seem to hit the garbage, not to mention what appears to be eight months worth of bills that have been paid, but have never been filed. I am disgusted with myself. Another job for tomorrow I think. Will depend on the weather though. If it's nice, I'm going outside to play. I am tired of being inside (but if I have to choose between stuck inside, or freezing cold, I'll take the indoor option).
Well, I guess I should end this now. It's really not going anywhere and I have to search through my recipes to figure out what to make for Jade... she's going to a potluck birthday party dinner. This would normally be a no brainer, but it's just outside Toronto and she has to take the train. I don't think she wants to carry a crock pot. Maybe I'll pop over to the big red kitchen to browse. I love that site.
So there you go. I am off to lurk!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
It's Family Day Tomorrow...
Tomorrow is family day. A holiday created to allow families to spend the day together doing fun and happy things. I however, will likely spend my day, yelling at my kids to stop fighting, use indoor voices, and to do the homework they claimed they didn't have on Friday. I will also be doing laundry and cleaning everything that I have put off doing throughout the weekend. When it comes time to cook dinner, I will realize that I'm missing a key ingredient and will have to run to the corner store and pay 7 times its normal cost. (grocery stores are closed). I can't wait!
I don't feel like typing right now as the fingers on my left hand are bugging the crap out of me. Really, really numb and tingly. That reminds me... I need to call the doctor to find out if they found anything on the MRI. so, because my hand is bothersome, I will log off for now and write again later on if I'm still awake!
I don't feel like typing right now as the fingers on my left hand are bugging the crap out of me. Really, really numb and tingly. That reminds me... I need to call the doctor to find out if they found anything on the MRI. so, because my hand is bothersome, I will log off for now and write again later on if I'm still awake!
Monday, February 9, 2009
A new day has begun
I am home with a sick kid. He must be feeling a bit better as he's eating toast as I type this. Hopefully he can hold it down.
My guess is that it was food poisoning. His father took them out for dinner - he had chicken wings and Brett had a pizza. Brett is fine.
I called work to inform Don that I wouldn't be in. He was not impressed with this news. One guy didn't show up for work, one guy is headed to Mississauga to do a delivery and Don got a call that his son needed to be bailed out of jail ($10,000). Because I couldn't come in, that left the painter at the shop alone. He had a bit of a meltdown. He called me back in a better mood a half hour later and apologized for yelling at me. He sent his cousin to go collect the ruffian.
I am going to do some lurking in the comfort of my nice comfy chair while Cole lounges on the couch in the basement. Right now he's watching the Comedy network. Not sure who the comedian is, but Cole seems to be enjoying his act.
Have fun at work! Will probably chat more to myself later on....
My guess is that it was food poisoning. His father took them out for dinner - he had chicken wings and Brett had a pizza. Brett is fine.
I called work to inform Don that I wouldn't be in. He was not impressed with this news. One guy didn't show up for work, one guy is headed to Mississauga to do a delivery and Don got a call that his son needed to be bailed out of jail ($10,000). Because I couldn't come in, that left the painter at the shop alone. He had a bit of a meltdown. He called me back in a better mood a half hour later and apologized for yelling at me. He sent his cousin to go collect the ruffian.
I am going to do some lurking in the comfort of my nice comfy chair while Cole lounges on the couch in the basement. Right now he's watching the Comedy network. Not sure who the comedian is, but Cole seems to be enjoying his act.
Have fun at work! Will probably chat more to myself later on....
One last note before I log off...
I told you that Cole has a couple teeth capped this past Wednesday. Here are the before and after shots...
Before:
(don't mind the retarded look - I asked him to show me his teeth and this is what he did)
$598 Later:
Before:
(don't mind the retarded look - I asked him to show me his teeth and this is what he did)
$598 Later:
He is going to need braces on the bottom teeth (and after clicking on the pic and looking at them closer, he could probably use a whitening too!)
I spoke too soon...
I believe I stated during my last post that I was enjoying the silence.
I also mentioned that Cole advised me that he needed to throw up.
I also mentioned that he barricaded himself in the bathroom and I was not able to get in.
I also mentioned that the noises coming from the bathroom did not leave me with a good feeling. I also mentioned that the aforementioned noises led me to believe that the toilet might not be catching all that it could...
Now - here is what was said after he exited the bathroom:
First thing he said was - I'm sorry.
Then he said "It's a mess in there"
I replied "Did you get it all over the toilet?"
He said "I was sitting on it."
A feeling of horror swept through me.
I looked.
I gagged.
I dry heaved.
I looked again (maybe it wasn't as bad as I remembered it - even if only 2 seconds had elapsed)
I gagged again.
I dry heaved a few more times.
I decided I'd take a picture so my stalker wouldn't think I was exaggerating when I said there was puke EVERYWHERE!
Here's what I encountered:
Things to note:
There is a towel on the floor that somehow only caught a little of what he was aiming at it.
The shower door is covered in vomit.
It would seem that our floor is not level as the vomit ran all the way to the door to the hallway.
The wall is covered in it.
The side of the tub is covered in it.
The toilet paper is covered in it.
What you can't see is that the cupboard doors are covered in it.
The whole OUTSIDE of the toilet is covered in it (not a single drop made it inside it).
Behind the toilet is a pool of vomit.
UGH.
So I start the clean up. I clean with paper towels and plastic bags. (Should that go in the green bin???) GAG!!
I mop with hot water.
I mop with bleach.
I scrub with Vim, a rag and a toothbrush.
I escape the toxic fumes and head outside and inhale other toxic fumes (aka a cigarette)
I head back into the chamber of stink and do a fourth and final scouring.
The baseboards now have to be replaced
The shower doors have to come off so they (and the track) can be scrubbed
(not a job for this time of the morning - actually, is any of this?)
I am down a roll of paper towels
I am down a roll of toilet paper
I am down a bottle of vim
I am down a bottle of bleach.
I am down a rag.
Cole is down a toothbrush.
(a cheesy one from the dental screening at school the other day - not the $9 one I bought him)
He has had a hot bath and is now laying on the couch in the basement watching The Last Samurai while hugging a bucket as per my request.
Guess that's one way to get the bathroom cleaned... too bad it happened at this unGodly hour.
How did this nice quiet night go so wrong? I think it was the chicken wings he ate for dinner.
All bad I tell you... all bad.
It seems that when shower doors are installed 12 inches away from a toilet, if someone sitting on the toilet vomits with enough force, it will allow the projected matter to ricochet and hit anything within a 4' radius. I question the idiots that did the renovations in this house prior to our purchasing it. It is definately NOT to code.
...When the sunroom was added to the back of the house, the genius "handyman" drywalled over the window which used to open to the back yard. What they neglected to do after covering up the window, was to install a vent. Not to code. I've seem Holmes on Holmes enough to know this. Do these people not watch television? BE PROUD OF ME DEAR STALKER... I could not air this room out while cleaning it and I managed to complete the task without hurling!
On that note, I am going outside for another smoke. Oh the excitement!
Go ahead, look at the pic again during my absence - click on it so you can appreciate Cole's handy work close up - this time look without laughing!
OMG - the poor kid. He was crying, and was so upset that he made this huge mess. He said "I'm sorry" twelve times and even offered to help me clean it. After I cleaned it all up (without his help), I ran a bath for him. He must have said "Thanks Mom, I'm sorry" another ten times.
All is well now. Just hope he hits the bucket should the need arise. UGH!
Going for a smoke - might not be at work tomorrow, we'll have to play it by ear. So, if you don't hear from me by 9:45, you can safely assume that I am at home with an ill child.
NIGHT!
I also mentioned that Cole advised me that he needed to throw up.
I also mentioned that he barricaded himself in the bathroom and I was not able to get in.
I also mentioned that the noises coming from the bathroom did not leave me with a good feeling. I also mentioned that the aforementioned noises led me to believe that the toilet might not be catching all that it could...
Now - here is what was said after he exited the bathroom:
First thing he said was - I'm sorry.
Then he said "It's a mess in there"
I replied "Did you get it all over the toilet?"
He said "I was sitting on it."
A feeling of horror swept through me.
I looked.
I gagged.
I dry heaved.
I looked again (maybe it wasn't as bad as I remembered it - even if only 2 seconds had elapsed)
I gagged again.
I dry heaved a few more times.
I decided I'd take a picture so my stalker wouldn't think I was exaggerating when I said there was puke EVERYWHERE!
Here's what I encountered:
Things to note:
There is a towel on the floor that somehow only caught a little of what he was aiming at it.
The shower door is covered in vomit.
It would seem that our floor is not level as the vomit ran all the way to the door to the hallway.
The wall is covered in it.
The side of the tub is covered in it.
The toilet paper is covered in it.
What you can't see is that the cupboard doors are covered in it.
The whole OUTSIDE of the toilet is covered in it (not a single drop made it inside it).
Behind the toilet is a pool of vomit.
UGH.
So I start the clean up. I clean with paper towels and plastic bags. (Should that go in the green bin???) GAG!!
I mop with hot water.
I mop with bleach.
I scrub with Vim, a rag and a toothbrush.
I escape the toxic fumes and head outside and inhale other toxic fumes (aka a cigarette)
I head back into the chamber of stink and do a fourth and final scouring.
The baseboards now have to be replaced
The shower doors have to come off so they (and the track) can be scrubbed
(not a job for this time of the morning - actually, is any of this?)
I am down a roll of paper towels
I am down a roll of toilet paper
I am down a bottle of vim
I am down a bottle of bleach.
I am down a rag.
Cole is down a toothbrush.
(a cheesy one from the dental screening at school the other day - not the $9 one I bought him)
He has had a hot bath and is now laying on the couch in the basement watching The Last Samurai while hugging a bucket as per my request.
Guess that's one way to get the bathroom cleaned... too bad it happened at this unGodly hour.
How did this nice quiet night go so wrong? I think it was the chicken wings he ate for dinner.
All bad I tell you... all bad.
It seems that when shower doors are installed 12 inches away from a toilet, if someone sitting on the toilet vomits with enough force, it will allow the projected matter to ricochet and hit anything within a 4' radius. I question the idiots that did the renovations in this house prior to our purchasing it. It is definately NOT to code.
...When the sunroom was added to the back of the house, the genius "handyman" drywalled over the window which used to open to the back yard. What they neglected to do after covering up the window, was to install a vent. Not to code. I've seem Holmes on Holmes enough to know this. Do these people not watch television? BE PROUD OF ME DEAR STALKER... I could not air this room out while cleaning it and I managed to complete the task without hurling!
On that note, I am going outside for another smoke. Oh the excitement!
Go ahead, look at the pic again during my absence - click on it so you can appreciate Cole's handy work close up - this time look without laughing!
OMG - the poor kid. He was crying, and was so upset that he made this huge mess. He said "I'm sorry" twelve times and even offered to help me clean it. After I cleaned it all up (without his help), I ran a bath for him. He must have said "Thanks Mom, I'm sorry" another ten times.
All is well now. Just hope he hits the bucket should the need arise. UGH!
Going for a smoke - might not be at work tomorrow, we'll have to play it by ear. So, if you don't hear from me by 9:45, you can safely assume that I am at home with an ill child.
NIGHT!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
We interrupt this important message to announce that "I NEED TO THROW UP"
Alright - here we go. Another wonderfully exciting entry coming right up... well, it's an entry, but I doubt it will be wonderful or exciting.
Another weekend has come to an end. It was a childless weekend so it was quiet. Here is a summary of how Tom and I spent our time:
Friday night we had Harvey's for dinner (after which I burped pickles for hours). We dropped the boys off in Brantford and headed back home where Tom and I played Yahtzee for three hours. Went to bed.
Saturday morning I woke up at 11am. Drank the brown cup that Tom bought for me at 7am. I had a shower and then we went out for breakfast. Dropped Tom back at home and I headed out to do all the things I hate to do. I had to attend a wedding that evening and decided I should probably go get my eyebrows waxed and buy something to wear (yes, a procrastinator when it comes to clothes shopping). After four hours of shopping, I got home with an hour to get ready to go. I had a shower, and while applying makeup, noticed that my eyebrows were wonky - one is nicely shaped and the other, well, not so nice. It looks like I'm walking around with one eye cocked up - not sure how it makes me looked - inquisitive, disbelieving, or insane. Anyway - didn't wear anything I bought. Found a dress I had stashed in the closet and off we went to the wedding.
Wedding started at 5 - we were out of there by 7. Went home, ordered Chinese food for dinner, ate, and then played Yahtzee again for a couple hours. Tom fell asleep on the couch while watching Planet of the Apes. I was working on the blanket I'm crocheting. Since he was sleeping, I threw in a movie but he was snoring so loudly that I decided to go to bed to watch the movie. I fell asleep five minutes into it.
Sunday I woke up at 11am. Drank a cold brown cup that Tom had bought for me at 7am. Had a shower and we went out for breakfast again. Went to Canadian Tire to get a rear wiper blade for the Rendezvous. Dropped Tom off at home and I went to get groceries for us and for Jade. $290 later... went home and put groceries away. I played Peggle for a while, went outside and played with the pond because it's the first time in a couple months that it hasn't been covered in three inches of ice. (fish are all still alive). Had a quick chat with the neighbor and went back inside. Tom had left over Chinese for dinner, I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat.
Drove back to Brantford to pick up the boys and headed home. I played Peggle and then did a bit more crocheting. Brett went to bed at 8:30 and at 8:45 I loaded groceries for Jade into the car and headed out to Niagara on the Lake.
Seems they are having problems with one of the people renting one of the rooms. Long story. Condensed version: he had been in her room uninvited while she was out. When she came home he was three sheets to the wind and there was blood on the walls and urine on the floor of the bathroom. The bedroom door of the third roommate had been broken during an attempt to get into it too. Blah blah blah. The landlords (who live upstairs) will be having a word with the troublemaker and his parents tomorrow.
So, here I sit with a brown cup. Shoes and socks off (what a nice feeling), bra off (even better feeling), pants undone (can't beat that feeling), and everyone in bed but me (enjoy the silence). Now I'm singing Depeche Mode....
Upcoming events:
Feb 12 - Mom's birthday
Feb 15 - both boys have a bowling tournament
Feb 21 - Brett's football registration
Feb 22 - both boys have another bowling tournament
Feb 27 - Jade and I have an appointment with the dentist
Mar 7 - Tom and I are going to the Falls for the night
Mar 12 - going to the Leafs game, to see one of Daryl's friends who plays for the Tampa Bay Lightning (hopefully he's back off the injured list by then)
I'm probably forgetting a gazillion other important dates in there, but luckily Tom remembers everything I need to know.
Exciting stuff eh?
Well, my coffee is just about done and I have some lurking to do. I will probably play Peggle for a while first to give my poor fingers a rest. Then I will do the stalking thing. Wonder how the baby shower was that my stalker attended... I will tell her all about the wedding on IM tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will have some work to do so I don't have to spend 8 hours watching the clock again. But then, how will I ever keep up on the 2 million bloggers I stalk privately? (how in the Hell did that number get so high?) There are a lot of funny people out there - and it amazes me what people will write about when they don't think that any one's reading...
On that note, I will end your misery and allow you to go stalk someone else!
Hope your day is going well... Ciao.
Uh-oh. Cole just came up and informed me he needs to throw up. Why he needs to tell me before he can actually do it is beyond me. SO, here I sit (computer room is next to the washroom) - waiting for the horrid noises to stop and for the bathroom door to be unlocked. *this can't be a good thing* Ugh - I am just imagining what is going on in there. Does NOT sound like anything is hitting the toilet. Oh, there's the door - GOTTA GO... will keep you posted.
Another weekend has come to an end. It was a childless weekend so it was quiet. Here is a summary of how Tom and I spent our time:
Friday night we had Harvey's for dinner (after which I burped pickles for hours). We dropped the boys off in Brantford and headed back home where Tom and I played Yahtzee for three hours. Went to bed.
Saturday morning I woke up at 11am. Drank the brown cup that Tom bought for me at 7am. I had a shower and then we went out for breakfast. Dropped Tom back at home and I headed out to do all the things I hate to do. I had to attend a wedding that evening and decided I should probably go get my eyebrows waxed and buy something to wear (yes, a procrastinator when it comes to clothes shopping). After four hours of shopping, I got home with an hour to get ready to go. I had a shower, and while applying makeup, noticed that my eyebrows were wonky - one is nicely shaped and the other, well, not so nice. It looks like I'm walking around with one eye cocked up - not sure how it makes me looked - inquisitive, disbelieving, or insane. Anyway - didn't wear anything I bought. Found a dress I had stashed in the closet and off we went to the wedding.
Wedding started at 5 - we were out of there by 7. Went home, ordered Chinese food for dinner, ate, and then played Yahtzee again for a couple hours. Tom fell asleep on the couch while watching Planet of the Apes. I was working on the blanket I'm crocheting. Since he was sleeping, I threw in a movie but he was snoring so loudly that I decided to go to bed to watch the movie. I fell asleep five minutes into it.
Sunday I woke up at 11am. Drank a cold brown cup that Tom had bought for me at 7am. Had a shower and we went out for breakfast again. Went to Canadian Tire to get a rear wiper blade for the Rendezvous. Dropped Tom off at home and I went to get groceries for us and for Jade. $290 later... went home and put groceries away. I played Peggle for a while, went outside and played with the pond because it's the first time in a couple months that it hasn't been covered in three inches of ice. (fish are all still alive). Had a quick chat with the neighbor and went back inside. Tom had left over Chinese for dinner, I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat.
Drove back to Brantford to pick up the boys and headed home. I played Peggle and then did a bit more crocheting. Brett went to bed at 8:30 and at 8:45 I loaded groceries for Jade into the car and headed out to Niagara on the Lake.
Seems they are having problems with one of the people renting one of the rooms. Long story. Condensed version: he had been in her room uninvited while she was out. When she came home he was three sheets to the wind and there was blood on the walls and urine on the floor of the bathroom. The bedroom door of the third roommate had been broken during an attempt to get into it too. Blah blah blah. The landlords (who live upstairs) will be having a word with the troublemaker and his parents tomorrow.
So, here I sit with a brown cup. Shoes and socks off (what a nice feeling), bra off (even better feeling), pants undone (can't beat that feeling), and everyone in bed but me (enjoy the silence). Now I'm singing Depeche Mode....
Upcoming events:
Feb 12 - Mom's birthday
Feb 15 - both boys have a bowling tournament
Feb 21 - Brett's football registration
Feb 22 - both boys have another bowling tournament
Feb 27 - Jade and I have an appointment with the dentist
Mar 7 - Tom and I are going to the Falls for the night
Mar 12 - going to the Leafs game, to see one of Daryl's friends who plays for the Tampa Bay Lightning (hopefully he's back off the injured list by then)
I'm probably forgetting a gazillion other important dates in there, but luckily Tom remembers everything I need to know.
Exciting stuff eh?
Well, my coffee is just about done and I have some lurking to do. I will probably play Peggle for a while first to give my poor fingers a rest. Then I will do the stalking thing. Wonder how the baby shower was that my stalker attended... I will tell her all about the wedding on IM tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will have some work to do so I don't have to spend 8 hours watching the clock again. But then, how will I ever keep up on the 2 million bloggers I stalk privately? (how in the Hell did that number get so high?) There are a lot of funny people out there - and it amazes me what people will write about when they don't think that any one's reading...
On that note, I will end your misery and allow you to go stalk someone else!
Hope your day is going well... Ciao.
Uh-oh. Cole just came up and informed me he needs to throw up. Why he needs to tell me before he can actually do it is beyond me. SO, here I sit (computer room is next to the washroom) - waiting for the horrid noises to stop and for the bathroom door to be unlocked. *this can't be a good thing* Ugh - I am just imagining what is going on in there. Does NOT sound like anything is hitting the toilet. Oh, there's the door - GOTTA GO... will keep you posted.
Friday, February 6, 2009
A Canadian Winter Poem
(I did not write this poem)
It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
I'm frozen to the friggin' ground!
It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.
Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
I'm frozen to the friggin' ground!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Deft / Daft
Ah - what to type about tonight....
I know - Cole reminded me of a funny story about Jade...
Brett was at Talon's again after school. I told him to head home at 6:45. Now - to get to Talon's house, you have to leave the comfort of our safe little street - nestled in amongst many more little side streets, and you have to cross a very busy main street. So, I decided I'd meet him because it was getting dark, a lot of people were still rushing to get home from work at that time, and because of the busy street. My car was at the top of the driveway - buried behind Tom's truck. It's only a ten minute walk, so I decided to do just that. Cole came along to keep me company.
Talon lives in an apartment building and like most of them, it has a buzzer just inside the front door. yadda yadda yadda "I'll send Brett right down..." So Cole and I wait in the lobby and try to warm up.
Cole starts laughing. I asked him what he was thinking about. He was remembering the time Jade's friend (Heather) invited her over for a visit. Heather and her Mom had just moved into a condo that had a buzzer at the front. Here's the condensed version of the conversation Jade and I had en route...
Me - "do you remember how to buzz her so she can let you in?"
Jade - "yes, I press 22 and then I punch it"
Me - "What?"
Jade - "that's what Heather said ... 22 then pound."
ME - "You're kidding right?"
Jade - "no, why? - what? - what's so funny? - why are you laughing?"
Me - "not pound as in punch - pound as in the # symbol!"
Jade - "oh. I did not know that!"
I question how my kids can make their teachers believe that they are so bright and clever, yet I spend most of my time with them - shaking my head in disbelief at some of the things that they do and say. Oh - another example. (Jade was 16 when this happened).
It was summer - Jade was home with the boys while I was at work. I asked Cole to unload the dishwasher and Brett was to load the dirty dishes into it. Jade calls me at work...
J - "Brett threw up in the dishwasher"
*side note - at this particular time, Brett wanted to be a garbage man when he grew up*
M- "What?"
J - "He got goo on his finger and he threw up in the dishwasher - I don't know how to clean it."
M - "Put soap in the soap compartment, close it, shut and lock the door of the dishwasher and press the start button."
J - "Ok."
Five minutes later she calls me back:
J - "I think I screwed up."
M - "Why - what happened?"
J - "I didn't notice the soap compartment until after I unscrewed that little cap and put a bunch of soap in."
M - "Unscrew... ughhh... that is where you put the rinsing agent."
Blah blah blah - How can you do dishes almost every day for 4 years and NOT KNOW where the soap goes in the dishwasher?? How many times did we eat off of dishes that were never really washed - just rinsed? EWWW! ...Next, how can you possibly believe you will make a good garbage man when you throw up when you get a glob of butter on your finger - or you dry heave when you smell cat food? I suggested Brett pick another career - after all, you can't leave a door-to-door trail of vomit down the all the streets you service...
At this point in time:
Brett wants to be a fisherman. Not out on the ocean, he wants to sit in a canoe and fish all day.
Cole wants to be a veterinarian.
Jade is in college - learning all about hotel management.
Tom wants to win the lottery
So do I.
I know - Cole reminded me of a funny story about Jade...
Brett was at Talon's again after school. I told him to head home at 6:45. Now - to get to Talon's house, you have to leave the comfort of our safe little street - nestled in amongst many more little side streets, and you have to cross a very busy main street. So, I decided I'd meet him because it was getting dark, a lot of people were still rushing to get home from work at that time, and because of the busy street. My car was at the top of the driveway - buried behind Tom's truck. It's only a ten minute walk, so I decided to do just that. Cole came along to keep me company.
Talon lives in an apartment building and like most of them, it has a buzzer just inside the front door. yadda yadda yadda "I'll send Brett right down..." So Cole and I wait in the lobby and try to warm up.
Cole starts laughing. I asked him what he was thinking about. He was remembering the time Jade's friend (Heather) invited her over for a visit. Heather and her Mom had just moved into a condo that had a buzzer at the front. Here's the condensed version of the conversation Jade and I had en route...
Me - "do you remember how to buzz her so she can let you in?"
Jade - "yes, I press 22 and then I punch it"
Me - "What?"
Jade - "that's what Heather said ... 22 then pound."
ME - "You're kidding right?"
Jade - "no, why? - what? - what's so funny? - why are you laughing?"
Me - "not pound as in punch - pound as in the # symbol!"
Jade - "oh. I did not know that!"
I question how my kids can make their teachers believe that they are so bright and clever, yet I spend most of my time with them - shaking my head in disbelief at some of the things that they do and say. Oh - another example. (Jade was 16 when this happened).
It was summer - Jade was home with the boys while I was at work. I asked Cole to unload the dishwasher and Brett was to load the dirty dishes into it. Jade calls me at work...
J - "Brett threw up in the dishwasher"
*side note - at this particular time, Brett wanted to be a garbage man when he grew up*
M- "What?"
J - "He got goo on his finger and he threw up in the dishwasher - I don't know how to clean it."
M - "Put soap in the soap compartment, close it, shut and lock the door of the dishwasher and press the start button."
J - "Ok."
Five minutes later she calls me back:
J - "I think I screwed up."
M - "Why - what happened?"
J - "I didn't notice the soap compartment until after I unscrewed that little cap and put a bunch of soap in."
M - "Unscrew... ughhh... that is where you put the rinsing agent."
Blah blah blah - How can you do dishes almost every day for 4 years and NOT KNOW where the soap goes in the dishwasher?? How many times did we eat off of dishes that were never really washed - just rinsed? EWWW! ...Next, how can you possibly believe you will make a good garbage man when you throw up when you get a glob of butter on your finger - or you dry heave when you smell cat food? I suggested Brett pick another career - after all, you can't leave a door-to-door trail of vomit down the all the streets you service...
At this point in time:
Brett wants to be a fisherman. Not out on the ocean, he wants to sit in a canoe and fish all day.
Cole wants to be a veterinarian.
Jade is in college - learning all about hotel management.
Tom wants to win the lottery
So do I.
I wish it was Devil's night
Good morning dear Stalker. I just left your house (stalking made easy) about an hour and a half ago. I was up until 3:30am Wednesday morning and I managed to survive the day on four hours sleep. As I sit down to type this, it is almost 1am Thursday morning. I am beat!
I really don't have anything to say so I will take the time to write in a "journal" fashion. These are things that I am putting (did I ever mention I hate homonyms? - no, not putting as in golf - putting as in setting something in place) down some funny stories so that I can remember should I ever forget. ...duh? - so I won't forget. (however I doubt I could).
Our Shenanigans on Devil's night. That was so much fun - I remember that one year, you were wearing that yellow fluffy sweater and had a cold and kept coughing. I thought for sure we were going to get busted. I spent a couple nights popping popcorn. Had all these garbage bags full of it in the living room and Jade came downstairs to see what the noise was. lol - I told her I was making a snack. Puzzled by my seemingly large appetite that night, she headed back to bed.
Armed with the popcorn, toilet paper, and the pallet wrap (happily supplied by Tom) and whatever else we thought might come in handy, we went to Dave's and filled the bed of his truck with popcorn. We plastic wrapped and toilet papered both Neil's and Wendy's cars. We went to Mark and Jodi's and plastic wrapped, and toilet papered their cars together, and we also made an effort to include all the trees in her yard. We also dumped all that popcorn on her doorstep and down the path leading to the driveway! Oh, that's right - we did the same thing at Jennie's house too!
It's a good thing you chickened out when we got to Tom's place because he was waiting for us with a big bucket... full of water balloons! That was so much fun! We have to do that again soon - and not on devil's night! We still owe Jennie and Jodi for the dildos they shoved in the grills of our cars - oh, and the jar of peanut butter they crammed behind the door to my gas tank. (did they do that to you to?) I remember walking out to my car and noticed a path of paw prints up the side of my car in the salt spray - leading up to my gas tank. Popped it open to see what a raccoon might find interesting in there, and that's when I found the peanut butter! I closed the door and decided I'd deal with it later.
Later came after a few days - you know how it goes - out of sight, out of mind. Then the blizzard hit. My luck being what it is, I needed gas in a big bad way. I was not impressed that I left it as long as I did - I needed gas and I needed it "NOW." So, in -25° weather, winds gusting at 70km/hr I pull into the station with no hat or mittens, open the door to the tank, and that's when I remembered the peanut butter. FUCK! What's worse than a gas cap buried under peanut butter? A gas cap that is buried under FROZEN peanut butter. So there I was, getting funny looks as I scoop to find my gas cap - dressed for the fall even though it was more like weather found in the Arctic.
... And to think I drove all three kids to three different schools (at peak times) - all the while, oblivious to the dildo that was protruding from the grill of my car - and how can I forget to mention the icing on the cake? A cardboard sign that said "Honk if you're horny!" strapped over my front licence plate.
Nice friends!
I love my friends. They all have a good sense of humor - even when they are being nasty bitches! But I guess what goes around comes around! Life on the edge (of insanity)!
I really don't have anything to say so I will take the time to write in a "journal" fashion. These are things that I am putting (did I ever mention I hate homonyms? - no, not putting as in golf - putting as in setting something in place) down some funny stories so that I can remember should I ever forget. ...duh? - so I won't forget. (however I doubt I could).
Our Shenanigans on Devil's night. That was so much fun - I remember that one year, you were wearing that yellow fluffy sweater and had a cold and kept coughing. I thought for sure we were going to get busted. I spent a couple nights popping popcorn. Had all these garbage bags full of it in the living room and Jade came downstairs to see what the noise was. lol - I told her I was making a snack. Puzzled by my seemingly large appetite that night, she headed back to bed.
Armed with the popcorn, toilet paper, and the pallet wrap (happily supplied by Tom) and whatever else we thought might come in handy, we went to Dave's and filled the bed of his truck with popcorn. We plastic wrapped and toilet papered both Neil's and Wendy's cars. We went to Mark and Jodi's and plastic wrapped, and toilet papered their cars together, and we also made an effort to include all the trees in her yard. We also dumped all that popcorn on her doorstep and down the path leading to the driveway! Oh, that's right - we did the same thing at Jennie's house too!
It's a good thing you chickened out when we got to Tom's place because he was waiting for us with a big bucket... full of water balloons! That was so much fun! We have to do that again soon - and not on devil's night! We still owe Jennie and Jodi for the dildos they shoved in the grills of our cars - oh, and the jar of peanut butter they crammed behind the door to my gas tank. (did they do that to you to?) I remember walking out to my car and noticed a path of paw prints up the side of my car in the salt spray - leading up to my gas tank. Popped it open to see what a raccoon might find interesting in there, and that's when I found the peanut butter! I closed the door and decided I'd deal with it later.
Later came after a few days - you know how it goes - out of sight, out of mind. Then the blizzard hit. My luck being what it is, I needed gas in a big bad way. I was not impressed that I left it as long as I did - I needed gas and I needed it "NOW." So, in -25° weather, winds gusting at 70km/hr I pull into the station with no hat or mittens, open the door to the tank, and that's when I remembered the peanut butter. FUCK! What's worse than a gas cap buried under peanut butter? A gas cap that is buried under FROZEN peanut butter. So there I was, getting funny looks as I scoop to find my gas cap - dressed for the fall even though it was more like weather found in the Arctic.
... And to think I drove all three kids to three different schools (at peak times) - all the while, oblivious to the dildo that was protruding from the grill of my car - and how can I forget to mention the icing on the cake? A cardboard sign that said "Honk if you're horny!" strapped over my front licence plate.
Nice friends!
I love my friends. They all have a good sense of humor - even when they are being nasty bitches! But I guess what goes around comes around! Life on the edge (of insanity)!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Today I showed my father how to put a condom on
Yes, you read right...
I was out grabbing lunch and my Mom called me on my cell in a panic.
Ok - let me go back to show the kind of week my parents are having... Last week, they were heading to the hospital so they could be with my Grandma when she received some test results and what have you. It was snowing in a big bad way and the hospital is a couple hours away out in the boonies. So, they decided to skip the hospital visit and headed back home. yadda yadda yadda, car accident - damaged front end, no injuries.
Monday - they drop the car off to the body shop for repairs. Mom is hitching a ride to work with a lady she works with for the week. All fine and well.
Tuesday - Mom calls me and asks me help convince my Dad he needs to go to the doctor (he called her at work and complained about groin pains). So, off I go - drag him to the doctors. All fine and well - just a pulled muscle. Avoid straining and lifting. (no shovelling)
Today - Mom calls me in a panic because my Dad has gouged the ends of his fingers on a cheese grater - can I go check on him and help bandage the wounds if needed. So, I head over there again and he showed me what he'd done. It wasn't a cheese grater - it was a mandolin slicer he was using and he didn't gouge his fingers, he sliced the ends off them while slicing carrots for dinner! (uh - gross). So, luckily I went over there armed with gauze, antibiotic cream, antiseptic cream and finger condoms. Good thing I did because all they had for cuts were 20 year old bandaids that lost their stickiness.
Anyway, I gauzed them up and handed him a finger condom. Conversation went like this:
Me - "here, put this on over top of the gauze"
Dad - "what is this?"
Me - "A finger condom"
Dad - "Looks like a french tickler"
Me -
(nothing. Took everything I had just to keep it all together!)
Dad - "How do I put it on?"
Me - " Just put the end of your finger on the centre and roll the ridges down over your knuckle"
Dad - "Which way is up - does it matter?"
Me - "Here - give it to me, I'll do it."
So there you have it. Not only did I have to explain the process, I physically put a "French Tickler" on my Dad - THREE TIMES!
LOL - No wonder I'm as warped as I am.
Called my Mom to explain the situation. After I told her that it was the Mandolin slicer, not a cheese grater she said "oh, I didn't know he knew we had one of those." I responded "well, he found it." I suggested she consider avoiding the carrots he had in the pot on the stove as he couldn't find one of the chunks he lopped off. Then she was peeing herself laughing when I told her he didn't know how to put a condom on....
So that was the highlight of my day. He insists he will be able to bowl tonight - so I will be back there after Cole's dentist appointment to pick him up. I told him I'd bring him some more French Ticklers tonight!
Ugh - did I gross you out!?
I was out grabbing lunch and my Mom called me on my cell in a panic.
Ok - let me go back to show the kind of week my parents are having... Last week, they were heading to the hospital so they could be with my Grandma when she received some test results and what have you. It was snowing in a big bad way and the hospital is a couple hours away out in the boonies. So, they decided to skip the hospital visit and headed back home. yadda yadda yadda, car accident - damaged front end, no injuries.
Monday - they drop the car off to the body shop for repairs. Mom is hitching a ride to work with a lady she works with for the week. All fine and well.
Tuesday - Mom calls me and asks me help convince my Dad he needs to go to the doctor (he called her at work and complained about groin pains). So, off I go - drag him to the doctors. All fine and well - just a pulled muscle. Avoid straining and lifting. (no shovelling)
Today - Mom calls me in a panic because my Dad has gouged the ends of his fingers on a cheese grater - can I go check on him and help bandage the wounds if needed. So, I head over there again and he showed me what he'd done. It wasn't a cheese grater - it was a mandolin slicer he was using and he didn't gouge his fingers, he sliced the ends off them while slicing carrots for dinner! (uh - gross). So, luckily I went over there armed with gauze, antibiotic cream, antiseptic cream and finger condoms. Good thing I did because all they had for cuts were 20 year old bandaids that lost their stickiness.
Anyway, I gauzed them up and handed him a finger condom. Conversation went like this:
Me - "here, put this on over top of the gauze"
Dad - "what is this?"
Me - "A finger condom"
Dad - "Looks like a french tickler"
Me -
(nothing. Took everything I had just to keep it all together!)
Dad - "How do I put it on?"
Me - " Just put the end of your finger on the centre and roll the ridges down over your knuckle"
Dad - "Which way is up - does it matter?"
Me - "Here - give it to me, I'll do it."
So there you have it. Not only did I have to explain the process, I physically put a "French Tickler" on my Dad - THREE TIMES!
LOL - No wonder I'm as warped as I am.
Called my Mom to explain the situation. After I told her that it was the Mandolin slicer, not a cheese grater she said "oh, I didn't know he knew we had one of those." I responded "well, he found it." I suggested she consider avoiding the carrots he had in the pot on the stove as he couldn't find one of the chunks he lopped off. Then she was peeing herself laughing when I told her he didn't know how to put a condom on....
So that was the highlight of my day. He insists he will be able to bowl tonight - so I will be back there after Cole's dentist appointment to pick him up. I told him I'd bring him some more French Ticklers tonight!
Ugh - did I gross you out!?
Ok - some of you already know this, but for those of you that don't, let me say this video strikes me as very funny as it hits close to home. (Like the way I'm acting as though you're not the only one reading this?)
My parents do not have satellite, they do not have cable, they do not have internet. They use an aerial receiver. Their house is nestled in amongst a gazillion other houses... they do not live in the country - they are Dutch. (well, my Mom is Dutch, my Dad is just cheap - no, "extremely thrifty"). They refuse to spend money, when at least a dozen channels can be watched perfectly clear - and for free.
Funny they spent a small fortune remodeling, residing and adding new eaves troughs to the house, just had a concrete deck poured around the pool, spend to have their pets groomed on a regular basis, pay extraordinary amounts on vet bills for the cat that snots all over the house because of a sinus problem, they buy newspapers and magazines, and the list goes on and on, but for some reason they cannot bring themselves to pay for television?? (another indication that there's a Dutch thing in play is the fact that they have at least 200 rolls of toilet paper in the house at any given time because my Mom will buy it in bulk for no other reason than because it is on sale).
I swear, this is the female version of my Dad!
Enjoy!
My parents do not have satellite, they do not have cable, they do not have internet. They use an aerial receiver. Their house is nestled in amongst a gazillion other houses... they do not live in the country - they are Dutch. (well, my Mom is Dutch, my Dad is just cheap - no, "extremely thrifty"). They refuse to spend money, when at least a dozen channels can be watched perfectly clear - and for free.
Funny they spent a small fortune remodeling, residing and adding new eaves troughs to the house, just had a concrete deck poured around the pool, spend to have their pets groomed on a regular basis, pay extraordinary amounts on vet bills for the cat that snots all over the house because of a sinus problem, they buy newspapers and magazines, and the list goes on and on, but for some reason they cannot bring themselves to pay for television?? (another indication that there's a Dutch thing in play is the fact that they have at least 200 rolls of toilet paper in the house at any given time because my Mom will buy it in bulk for no other reason than because it is on sale).
I swear, this is the female version of my Dad!
Enjoy!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I hate my life
Too bad this song turns into a guy thing because the first verse could EASILY be my theme song:
So sick of the hobos always begging for change
I don't like how I gotta work and
They just sit around and get paid
I hate all of the people who can't drive their cars.
Bitch you better get outta the way
Before I start falling apart
Now anyone that has spent more than a day with me will know that I hate people. I say it all the time. Well, not all people, just stupid people. I do not have the patience to deal with idiots. Now I understand not everyone can be as perfect as me, but come on... some examples of the stupid people that make me vibrate with frustration:
So sick of the hobos always begging for change
I don't like how I gotta work and
They just sit around and get paid
I hate all of the people who can't drive their cars.
Bitch you better get outta the way
Before I start falling apart
Now anyone that has spent more than a day with me will know that I hate people. I say it all the time. Well, not all people, just stupid people. I do not have the patience to deal with idiots. Now I understand not everyone can be as perfect as me, but come on... some examples of the stupid people that make me vibrate with frustration:
- People that insist on driving in the fast lane while going under the speed limit. If you want to pace the cars in the slow lane MOVE OVER THERE WITH THEM! Idiots.
- People that stand in line at Horton's for ten minutes and then get to the front of the line and have no clue what they want to order. WTF?? You've been in line for ten freaking minutes - could you not have glanced up at the board back then? Idiots.
- People that stand in line at Horton's for ten minutes then have to dig through their purses for money. WTF? You've been in line for ten freaking minutes - could you not have found your money back then? Idiots.
- People that tie up drive through lines because they have to order 40 coffees for all their freaking co-workers. GO INSIDE. Idiots.
- People that do not have the courtesy to hold doors for people. Rude idiots.
- People that rush to get in front of you on the highway and then slam on their brakes when they realize they didn't have enough room to fit into the cushion you'd allowed yourself. Idiots.
- People that bring their over tired children shopping. I tell you, not everyone wants to hear your kid wail like a banshee while you look for a new pair of jeans. Do everyone a favor and bring the kid home for a nap. Idiots.
- People that do not take the coats off their kids in malls. Funny how the adults take their own off because it's so freaking hot... why these knobs can't grasp the idea that their kids are wailing because they're super hot is beyond me. Idiots.
- People that stop in the middle of walkways in malls or stores to chat. Pisses me off to no end. There has to be a better place to stop... think about it. Idiots.
- People that buy scratch tickets at convenience stores and INSIST on scratching them there at the counter. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY. Idiots.
- Waitresses that neglect to bring you utensils until AFTER your plates are on the table. ARGGG. Idiots. (I would not bitch if they were busy, but if they're just too lazy - I lose it)
- I can go on and on and on... I really hate people that lack common sense. Seems common sense is not very common. Idiots. I am forced to deal with them everywhere, all day, every day.
Now these are not my pet peeves - I fear there is not enough room on the Internet to hold all that information - that list is four hundred times longer than my list of what makes an idiot - well... an idiot.
Wow - I'm feeling kind of aggressive now. Good thing everyone else is in bed!
I was lurking around on a site that talked about listing three things you're thankful for every day. So, let me try it and see if I can't turn this mood around:
- Chocolate - if I don't break out.
- My family - if they don't piss me off.
- My car - if it's running well.
What? That's not how it's supposed to work? hehehe. TOUGH! That's what you get from and irate chick with zero patience and who knows deep down inside she should be doing something other than this.
On that note, I think I'll go park my duff on the couch and watch the first 48 or whatever else might be on at this ungodly hour. I should probably go to bed seeing that Cole has an appointment with the dentist after school and I have to pick up my Dad and go bowling shortly thereafter which means no nap time available. That really sucks. But, it just hit me - I have only done one load of laundry. I got sidetracked when I walked past the computer room.
Alright, I'd better go back to the laundry room and try to put a dent in the huge pile of clothes before I'm tempted to commit suicide by jumping from it. (My stalker's line).
Good night dear stalker. I'm sure I'll talk at you tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping well!
Clock watching makes for a very long day
I am so freaking bored. I am physically exhausted and I have done ZERO today. I could sleep upright in this horrid office chair. Debbie has no new posts and the people I have been stalking privately only update their blogs once a day so I have nothing to read that I know will be worth my while.
My God I can't believe how tired I am. Not pregnant, but that's how tired I feel. Pregnant tired. If I were knocked up, you would read about me in the news as I would be on top of the Skyway Bridge - hugging a boulder (and Tom would be there beside me hugging another boulder in case I chickened out)!
Sorry Deb
I forgot that you're turning into an old biddy that can't see.
Does it make you feel special when I type to you specifically?
Do you feel like a loser knowing you're the only one that reads what I've written?
I have not told Tom that I've started this blog.
I have not told my children that I've started it either.
I fear that they would have information with which they could blackmail me.
Speaking of blackmail... did I ever give you the present I bought for you a couple years ago?
The coaster that says "We'll always be friends.... you know too much."
If I didn't, pretend you don't know about it and I'll surprise you with it at a later date.
I really don't know what to type. I don't even know why I decided to do another post.
I have as much to talk about now as I did earlier when I was proving that I'm insane.
I will end this here and vow NOT to write again until I have something worth reading about... so
check back in a year or two. Actually, I am self absorbed, and I find myself and myself very
interesting so I'm sure I'll write again sooner than that. But for now, I am OUTTA HERE!
My God I can't believe how tired I am. Not pregnant, but that's how tired I feel. Pregnant tired. If I were knocked up, you would read about me in the news as I would be on top of the Skyway Bridge - hugging a boulder (and Tom would be there beside me hugging another boulder in case I chickened out)!
Sorry Deb
I forgot that you're turning into an old biddy that can't see.
Does it make you feel special when I type to you specifically?
Do you feel like a loser knowing you're the only one that reads what I've written?
I have not told Tom that I've started this blog.
I have not told my children that I've started it either.
I fear that they would have information with which they could blackmail me.
Speaking of blackmail... did I ever give you the present I bought for you a couple years ago?
The coaster that says "We'll always be friends.... you know too much."
If I didn't, pretend you don't know about it and I'll surprise you with it at a later date.
I really don't know what to type. I don't even know why I decided to do another post.
I have as much to talk about now as I did earlier when I was proving that I'm insane.
I will end this here and vow NOT to write again until I have something worth reading about... so
check back in a year or two. Actually, I am self absorbed, and I find myself and myself very
interesting so I'm sure I'll write again sooner than that. But for now, I am OUTTA HERE!
Paragraphs
My stalker has noted that I need to pay attention to the length of my paragraphs.
It's like she's Mrs Webster or something! Perhaps she should buy new glasses?????
My thoughts do not happen in paragraphs.
I was having a hard time keeping up with my thoughts there.
That was probably only 1/25 of what was actually going in my brain!
Is this better?
Sorry to cause the strain on your eyes.
I will try to do better next time.
I have to do up an invoice and the damned phone is ringing again
It's like she's Mrs Webster or something! Perhaps she should buy new glasses?????
My thoughts do not happen in paragraphs.
I was having a hard time keeping up with my thoughts there.
That was probably only 1/25 of what was actually going in my brain!
Is this better?
Sorry to cause the strain on your eyes.
I will try to do better next time.
I have to do up an invoice and the damned phone is ringing again
Less than 6 hours to go
Like I said earlier - all the stupid drivers were out by the time I was ready to leave for work. An hour later, I arrived (normally a 15 minute drive) - only 50 minutes late today. God I'm lucky my boss likes me. I keep hoping he'll send me home but he never does! Well, that's a partial lie. I'm pretty lucky to have a job that allows me to surf the web all day long and get paid for it. There are obviously days that don't allow for this, but 2009 has started off slow - steady work coming in, but not the usual stupid mad rush that 2008 ended with. Felt we were always reacting to situations - nothing proactive here unless someone brought in a yogurt for lunch. Actually, that would be livactive or whatever it's named. Forget the yogurt reference. What started out to be a comment of wit ended up being the comment of a DIMwit.
So now, here I sit, watching the clock. Suppose I could do the bank reconciliation, but I'm just not in the mood for numbers today. This should make for a very long day seeing that it's my job to deal with all the numbers that come in and go out.
I am wondering if it's possible to type out every thought that comes into my head. Probably not because I can't type that fast. I will give it a whirl (brace yourself - I am insane, I swear)
WHO PICKED OUT THIS RADIO STATION? oh, I did. Who the Hell is that singing? What the Hell are they singing? How did this song make it onto the radio? Did the cat just fart? What is that smell? I have to go pee. My toenail hurts. Think I trimmed them down too far again. Itchy nose. Backspace backspace backspace. Itchy shoulder. What kind of soap am I using? It's drying out my skin. Bet if I turned my clothes inside out at the end of the day, I'd see white patches of dead skin in all the spots I scratched throughout the day. God, I have to do laundry. I am wearing dirty pants for the third day in a row. I am out of clean underwear. I hate underwear. Guys are now in my office yabbering about whatever. Don't really care. One psychological drama to the next with them. Swear they are more like women than I could ever be. Itchy shoulder. Stupid bra strap is preventing a really good scratch. Itchy cheek. Fuck I hate winter. Dry, itchy skin. Static. hehehe - shocked the cat pretty good this morning when I gave her a good morning pat. My coffee is cold. Three coffees in one morning. That's an awful lot of sugar before noon. A loose hair is getting tangled in my hands. Better than it being stuck to the soap. I hate that. Hairy soap. No, kids dropping the soap behind the toilet is worse. Never know if I should clean it off or throw it out. However it is soap... should wash off okay. Toothpaste is another story. Why do kids drop things behind the toilet so much? I should probably make an effort to clean behind there more often. God, that sounds like work. I hate having to clean. I hate laundry. I hate lugging laundry down the stairs. I hate folding laundry. Laundry never seems to get put away... we just rummage through the piles ON the dressers to find something to wear. Better that than what I've done for the past three days which is to rummage through the pile on the floor BESIDE the full hamper. Ugh. I don't want to do laundry. Well, shouldn't take that long. Up until this past weekend, I have been really good at making sure I do it every weekend. FUCK. Have to go to that wedding this weekend. No kids this weekend. I am hungry. What should I make for dinner tonight? Either eggs Benedict or homemade mac and cheese with smoked sausages. Hmmm smoked sausages. Don't think I have English muffins left. Think Cole and Tom ate them all. Where's my hand cream? My skin is so dry. Cats are cute. Tubs is cleaning her face... she looks so cute. I wish I was a cat. Unless I was the owner - I really should clean the litter boxes more often. Poor cats. They can't pee anywhere but in the box and they can't clean the box themselves and my God, I hate walking past it some days. I could not imagine having to climb in there while I pee. Well, guess it would be like going in an outhouse, but then again, they have to stand in the litter and it's usually one giant clump by the time I get around to emptying it. I know once a week is not often enough, but I hate doing it. Phone. "Baseball bat proof" mailbox for a house in the country. Damned kids. I hate some people's kids. Like the shitheads that slashed my tires. Or the shitheads that stole my car. Why is it always MY car that gets damaged? Why does Tom's truck always get skipped? Although if he hadn't had the spare key to my car in his truck, my car never would have been stolen. hehe - he's a shithead enabler. But I've never had good luck with my cars. The Audi was smashed up at the gas station by the freak who doesn't know how to park. The Villager fell off the hoist (that is actually a funny thing to remember). Not so funny at the time but funny now. So was the story behind the Rendezvous being stolen and how I found it on my own after deciding the police were not that interested in my distress. lol - Deb's wedding rehearsal. I will never forget watching her crying on the floor beside the toilet in the public washroom and really not knowing what to say. Funny, I never know what to say in any given situation. What did I say - "one day you'll look back on this and laugh" It really was not funny at the time (well, it sorta was because it wasn't happening to me), but I couldn't tell her I thought it was funny. She might have ripped the toilet off the wall and thrown it at me. Like the day she ripped the... the... what was it? I think it was the range over the stove off the wall after losing it on the phone. HAHAHA - the cab company she called and freaked on. FUCK she's a funny girl. I like Deb a lot. She usually lets me laugh at her... and I like the fact that she can laugh at herself too. Might take a day or so for her to see the funny side of things, but she can and usually does laugh at herself. I wish more people could do that. Oh, I like this song. Michael Buble. What kind of stupid name is that? Oh - IM.
Alright I will stop this because I am becoming bored. lol - wonder if my stalker has taken the time to read all this crap. If yes, HA HA HA. Hope you can laugh at yourself!
Done for now. Going to see what you've sent me on the other window. Will maybe continue this babble later for lack of anything else to do!
So now, here I sit, watching the clock. Suppose I could do the bank reconciliation, but I'm just not in the mood for numbers today. This should make for a very long day seeing that it's my job to deal with all the numbers that come in and go out.
I am wondering if it's possible to type out every thought that comes into my head. Probably not because I can't type that fast. I will give it a whirl (brace yourself - I am insane, I swear)
WHO PICKED OUT THIS RADIO STATION? oh, I did. Who the Hell is that singing? What the Hell are they singing? How did this song make it onto the radio? Did the cat just fart? What is that smell? I have to go pee. My toenail hurts. Think I trimmed them down too far again. Itchy nose. Backspace backspace backspace. Itchy shoulder. What kind of soap am I using? It's drying out my skin. Bet if I turned my clothes inside out at the end of the day, I'd see white patches of dead skin in all the spots I scratched throughout the day. God, I have to do laundry. I am wearing dirty pants for the third day in a row. I am out of clean underwear. I hate underwear. Guys are now in my office yabbering about whatever. Don't really care. One psychological drama to the next with them. Swear they are more like women than I could ever be. Itchy shoulder. Stupid bra strap is preventing a really good scratch. Itchy cheek. Fuck I hate winter. Dry, itchy skin. Static. hehehe - shocked the cat pretty good this morning when I gave her a good morning pat. My coffee is cold. Three coffees in one morning. That's an awful lot of sugar before noon. A loose hair is getting tangled in my hands. Better than it being stuck to the soap. I hate that. Hairy soap. No, kids dropping the soap behind the toilet is worse. Never know if I should clean it off or throw it out. However it is soap... should wash off okay. Toothpaste is another story. Why do kids drop things behind the toilet so much? I should probably make an effort to clean behind there more often. God, that sounds like work. I hate having to clean. I hate laundry. I hate lugging laundry down the stairs. I hate folding laundry. Laundry never seems to get put away... we just rummage through the piles ON the dressers to find something to wear. Better that than what I've done for the past three days which is to rummage through the pile on the floor BESIDE the full hamper. Ugh. I don't want to do laundry. Well, shouldn't take that long. Up until this past weekend, I have been really good at making sure I do it every weekend. FUCK. Have to go to that wedding this weekend. No kids this weekend. I am hungry. What should I make for dinner tonight? Either eggs Benedict or homemade mac and cheese with smoked sausages. Hmmm smoked sausages. Don't think I have English muffins left. Think Cole and Tom ate them all. Where's my hand cream? My skin is so dry. Cats are cute. Tubs is cleaning her face... she looks so cute. I wish I was a cat. Unless I was the owner - I really should clean the litter boxes more often. Poor cats. They can't pee anywhere but in the box and they can't clean the box themselves and my God, I hate walking past it some days. I could not imagine having to climb in there while I pee. Well, guess it would be like going in an outhouse, but then again, they have to stand in the litter and it's usually one giant clump by the time I get around to emptying it. I know once a week is not often enough, but I hate doing it. Phone. "Baseball bat proof" mailbox for a house in the country. Damned kids. I hate some people's kids. Like the shitheads that slashed my tires. Or the shitheads that stole my car. Why is it always MY car that gets damaged? Why does Tom's truck always get skipped? Although if he hadn't had the spare key to my car in his truck, my car never would have been stolen. hehe - he's a shithead enabler. But I've never had good luck with my cars. The Audi was smashed up at the gas station by the freak who doesn't know how to park. The Villager fell off the hoist (that is actually a funny thing to remember). Not so funny at the time but funny now. So was the story behind the Rendezvous being stolen and how I found it on my own after deciding the police were not that interested in my distress. lol - Deb's wedding rehearsal. I will never forget watching her crying on the floor beside the toilet in the public washroom and really not knowing what to say. Funny, I never know what to say in any given situation. What did I say - "one day you'll look back on this and laugh" It really was not funny at the time (well, it sorta was because it wasn't happening to me), but I couldn't tell her I thought it was funny. She might have ripped the toilet off the wall and thrown it at me. Like the day she ripped the... the... what was it? I think it was the range over the stove off the wall after losing it on the phone. HAHAHA - the cab company she called and freaked on. FUCK she's a funny girl. I like Deb a lot. She usually lets me laugh at her... and I like the fact that she can laugh at herself too. Might take a day or so for her to see the funny side of things, but she can and usually does laugh at herself. I wish more people could do that. Oh, I like this song. Michael Buble. What kind of stupid name is that? Oh - IM.
Alright I will stop this because I am becoming bored. lol - wonder if my stalker has taken the time to read all this crap. If yes, HA HA HA. Hope you can laugh at yourself!
Done for now. Going to see what you've sent me on the other window. Will maybe continue this babble later for lack of anything else to do!
Snow?
There is a two second comment on snow in that last post... why in the Hell did I title it SNOW? I am a retard. Should have been titled "Today's Babble"
Snow
Seems when you fall asleep for the night at 7:30 in the evening, you're likely to wake up a little earlier the next morning than you would have if you'd gone to bed at your usual 2am. Now because I was awake, I was able to move my car out of the way for Tom who is already off to work. Since I was outside freezing my buns off anyway, I decided to fly out to the bank and to Horton's for a brown cup. It started to snow at some point during my outing but I hadn't noticed until I pulled back into the driveway. Where in the Hell is Spring? Ugh. By the time I need to leave for work, all the idiot drivers who are scared of snow will be out and I will be forced to crawl along the highway at 20km per hour.
I have decided that I am a very boring person. When I started this blog, my intentions were to stalk people in the background and look at their clever ideas and thoughts, but then decided it would be a good place to make a "journal" of sorts. Only problem is, I have nothing to write in here. For example - my day yesterday:
Got out of bed
Woke the boys up
Took a bath
Woke the boys up again
Got dressed
Woke the boys up again
Fed the cats
Woke the boys up again
Brushed my teeth and put cream on my face
Lost it on the boys
Set up the crock pot (Italian Herbed Chicken)
Rushed the boys to get dressed
Rushed the boys through breakfast
Rushed the boys to get their lunches together
Rushed the boys to brush their teeth (don't think they actually did though)
Rushed the boys out to the car - forgot to turn on the crock pot - went back inside to do that
Drove the boys to school as they were going to be late
Noticed I was on fumes so I stopped for gas at a station that only had two pumps working.
Waited in line for gas for ten minutes.
Drove to Horton's and spent a small fortune on morning coffees
Noticed the time -and because I was now late, hit every red light on my way to the highway
Stopped by Tom's work to drop of his coffee and say our good mornings.
Flew up the street to work - hit every red light - only 17 minutes late
Turned on my computer
Fed the cat at work - scooped her litter
Did up a few invoices so the driver could do some deliveries
Typed an entry on my blog about the the dream I had
Chatted on IM with my stalker
Watched the clock for 7 hours or so.
Drove home - hitting every red light when I wasn't on the highway
Made rice for four of us.
Was informed Brett was staying at Talon's for dinner
Ate dinner
Did the dishes
Made rice pudding with the leftover rice
Fell asleep while it was cooking.
Burnt the rice pudding.
Called to see if Talon's Mom had had enough of the giggler (he giggles NON STOP - unless he's fighting with Cole or complaining it's not his turn to unload the dishwasher)
Was told I could wait until 7 to pick up Brett
Tried to eat the burnt rice pudding, but it was too burnt.
Picked up Brett
Went to PetSmart to buy cat food and litter
Bought coffee for Tom and myself
Drove home.
Fell asleep on the couch as soon as I laid back into a horizontal position.
Slept a dreamless sleep.
So far today:
5:45am - Woke up
Dumped the full coffee that was on the table in front of me
Scraped the rice pudding into the garbage
Fed the cats
Sent an email regarding a skipped support payment
Moved my car for Tom
Decided to get coffee and do my banking while I was outside freezing anyway
Sat down and described my life on the edge to anyone dumb enough to sit and read this.
... and the cycle continues.
I have decided that it's a good idea for someone like me to keep a journal such as this - if for no other reason than for people to read it and say "By God, no wonder she went insane."
Poor Tom. He must be as bored as I am. Well, unless there are sports on. We did talk at dinner, but other than that, the only thing he heard out of me was snoring. He says I sound like Chewbaka (I don't know how to spell that) when I sleep. Nice eh? (Proving I'm Canadian with the "eh"). I was watching the comedy network a week or so ago and there was an Italian guy talking about how Canadians talk backwards. We say "How're you doing eh?" where Italians say "eh, how you doin?"
Alright - I think this has got to be the longest, most boring blog entry in the history of mankind. It has taken me 20 minutes to type it out as I have hit the backspace key more than they actual letter keys - probably 20:1. I do not look at the keyboard and this normally is not a problem, but for some reason today, I can't spell or something?? I don't look at the phone or the calculator when entering numbers either. I was trying to chat with a very confused older lady on the phone (actually, I was just as confused) then I realized that the keys on a calculator and the keys on a phone are reversed. DOH!
Okay okay okay. I am done. I am insane. I am boring and I am done typing for now! Have to wake the boys up ten times, then go to work and watch the clock for 7 or 8 hours. Ugh.
Life on the edge.
I have decided that I am a very boring person. When I started this blog, my intentions were to stalk people in the background and look at their clever ideas and thoughts, but then decided it would be a good place to make a "journal" of sorts. Only problem is, I have nothing to write in here. For example - my day yesterday:
Got out of bed
Woke the boys up
Took a bath
Woke the boys up again
Got dressed
Woke the boys up again
Fed the cats
Woke the boys up again
Brushed my teeth and put cream on my face
Lost it on the boys
Set up the crock pot (Italian Herbed Chicken)
Rushed the boys to get dressed
Rushed the boys through breakfast
Rushed the boys to get their lunches together
Rushed the boys to brush their teeth (don't think they actually did though)
Rushed the boys out to the car - forgot to turn on the crock pot - went back inside to do that
Drove the boys to school as they were going to be late
Noticed I was on fumes so I stopped for gas at a station that only had two pumps working.
Waited in line for gas for ten minutes.
Drove to Horton's and spent a small fortune on morning coffees
Noticed the time -and because I was now late, hit every red light on my way to the highway
Stopped by Tom's work to drop of his coffee and say our good mornings.
Flew up the street to work - hit every red light - only 17 minutes late
Turned on my computer
Fed the cat at work - scooped her litter
Did up a few invoices so the driver could do some deliveries
Typed an entry on my blog about the the dream I had
Chatted on IM with my stalker
Watched the clock for 7 hours or so.
Drove home - hitting every red light when I wasn't on the highway
Made rice for four of us.
Was informed Brett was staying at Talon's for dinner
Ate dinner
Did the dishes
Made rice pudding with the leftover rice
Fell asleep while it was cooking.
Burnt the rice pudding.
Called to see if Talon's Mom had had enough of the giggler (he giggles NON STOP - unless he's fighting with Cole or complaining it's not his turn to unload the dishwasher)
Was told I could wait until 7 to pick up Brett
Tried to eat the burnt rice pudding, but it was too burnt.
Picked up Brett
Went to PetSmart to buy cat food and litter
Bought coffee for Tom and myself
Drove home.
Fell asleep on the couch as soon as I laid back into a horizontal position.
Slept a dreamless sleep.
So far today:
5:45am - Woke up
Dumped the full coffee that was on the table in front of me
Scraped the rice pudding into the garbage
Fed the cats
Sent an email regarding a skipped support payment
Moved my car for Tom
Decided to get coffee and do my banking while I was outside freezing anyway
Sat down and described my life on the edge to anyone dumb enough to sit and read this.
... and the cycle continues.
I have decided that it's a good idea for someone like me to keep a journal such as this - if for no other reason than for people to read it and say "By God, no wonder she went insane."
Poor Tom. He must be as bored as I am. Well, unless there are sports on. We did talk at dinner, but other than that, the only thing he heard out of me was snoring. He says I sound like Chewbaka (I don't know how to spell that) when I sleep. Nice eh? (Proving I'm Canadian with the "eh"). I was watching the comedy network a week or so ago and there was an Italian guy talking about how Canadians talk backwards. We say "How're you doing eh?" where Italians say "eh, how you doin?"
Alright - I think this has got to be the longest, most boring blog entry in the history of mankind. It has taken me 20 minutes to type it out as I have hit the backspace key more than they actual letter keys - probably 20:1. I do not look at the keyboard and this normally is not a problem, but for some reason today, I can't spell or something?? I don't look at the phone or the calculator when entering numbers either. I was trying to chat with a very confused older lady on the phone (actually, I was just as confused) then I realized that the keys on a calculator and the keys on a phone are reversed. DOH!
Okay okay okay. I am done. I am insane. I am boring and I am done typing for now! Have to wake the boys up ten times, then go to work and watch the clock for 7 or 8 hours. Ugh.
Life on the edge.
Monday, February 2, 2009
In an email from my stalker:
I had lunch with two of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, the other is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our partners by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask
over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather
bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my
dreams, I love you.' And we made love all night long.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather
bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over my eyes. When I opened
the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Then I shared my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings,
stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as my husband came in the door and
saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our partners by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask
over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather
bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my
dreams, I love you.' And we made love all night long.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather
bodice and heels under a raincoat and the mask over my eyes. When I opened
the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Then I shared my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings,
stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as my husband came in the door and
saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
A note I should have added on my last post...
I know where the pancake reference came into play... while at Deb's, the boys were talking about Pancake day at school. In the back of my mind, I was thinking about someone's facebook status that read "..insert name here... is thinking of opening a hot cake stand as she hears they're good sellers." Or something like that. Obviously struck me as funny or witty because it often pops into my mind. YES, I have a lot of time for idle thoughts! Well, even when I don't have the time, I still do it. Think I might be on the verge of insanity. At least that's what the voices in my head tell me...
I am aggressive in my sleep....
I had a dream last night - and although it jumped around and makes absolutely no sense, I remember it. Seems I was hungry and decided to go through a Burger King drive through. Once into the drive, I realized there was no way my vehicle would fit, so I got out and squeezed my butt up to the teller (only had about 6" opening) and ordered my McChicken (obviously a dream). Now, while I was standing there counting out the stickers with which I was paying, I noticed some twit of a woman acting like a two year old. She was awful close to my car and I was worried that she was going to ding my fender so I went over to her (she was now sitting in a high chair) and wheeled the high chair out the door and I shoved her down the frozen driveway. She tipped over the edge which was a very steep snow covered hill. Shortly after turning around to go back inside to get my food, I heard a woman scream. I noticed an older woman who was getting into her car had slipped and was falling down the steep hill. I went inside and got what was now a stack of pancakes - nothing worse than cold pancakes so I decided to get them before seeing if the woman was hurt. I went back outside and went to the edge and looked down to see the twit in the highchair holding her leg - wailing like a banshee - and the old woman sitting in water up to her waste. She was chatting with a man and was drinking tea out of a pristine little tea cup. That's all I remember. However remember thinking that I wished the twit in the highchair was hurt a little more than she was.
Wonder if I have a nasty streak in me that I'm not aware of?
Alright. There is a post for the morning. Still nothing of substance to write about. Same ol humdrum routine I'm following. Why do you even bother reading these posts? I am only writing this because I have nothing better to do... Shouldn't you be working? (You stalker!)
Wonder if I have a nasty streak in me that I'm not aware of?
Alright. There is a post for the morning. Still nothing of substance to write about. Same ol humdrum routine I'm following. Why do you even bother reading these posts? I am only writing this because I have nothing better to do... Shouldn't you be working? (You stalker!)
Sunday, February 1, 2009
By George, I think I got it!
I stun myself with my abilities. I have a blog. I have posted entries on my blog. I have a stalker. I could probably rule the world now if I really wanted to, but I fear that would be a little too much like work for me, so I will not pursue that dream just yet. Instead, I intend (or should I say that I will try my best) to raise of my kids to be considerate, polite, clever, happy, witty, well adjusted, self-sufficient, law abiding citizens. This will likely be a life-long challenge, so don't wait for the announcement stating that I am ruler of the world. It might not happen. Now get back to work!! Damned stalkers!
Something for Deb to read on Monday
It is just after 11pm on a Sunday night. I am still unsure how this works, but have decided to sit and type something - anything - just to see if I can fill the empty space that I call my blog. Seeing that I have only one stalker - uh, I mean "follower," I am not concerned if I seem amusing, witty, clever or even interesting - as she is used to me. My quirks are many. My pet peeves are many. My complaints are many. My embarrassing moments are many (and frequent). My stalker has heard (and probably witnessed) most of them!
Ok - enough of this meaningless babble. My future entries will hopefully contain messages of a little more interest, but for now, this is only a test. Do not adjust your set. Now get back to work!!
Ok - enough of this meaningless babble. My future entries will hopefully contain messages of a little more interest, but for now, this is only a test. Do not adjust your set. Now get back to work!!
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